down turn.

it's funny that i can predict undesirable periods in my life in the way that old folks can predict a big storm approaching with their crummy, aged joints. and it's not that things have been so good that i've set my self up for a proportionate fall, but my guts knew something was brewing. so i guess the first hit was getting my purse snatched by a pack of junior criminals. thanks for solidifying my anti-children/anti-parenting stance! though there was little in my bag, there was surely enough for the right person with right ideas to wreck my existence, existence in the way your bank, your credit cards, your mortgage company, your telephone company, etc think you exist. i guess existence in terms of all my worldly possessions too if you consider that one wise criminal had in his/her hands my house and car keys and my current mailing address. and my camera is gone. love(d) that camera. the previous occupants of our new apartment left a pricey couch and matt suggested we sell it on craigslist to recoup the cost of my camera and get me a new one but the jerk's sister called the landlord and said she'd come pick up the couch after all. all i know is that i need a new camera before mid-september. myself and a handful of my favorite heads will literally be recreating Gun Club poetics and honoring the three decades that my favorite girl has graced the planet (cosmically debatable) while slipping into this kind of shit:

i'm flying into LA, which i've never been too, so i hope i can see a little of it or at least a decent veg/vag spot.

and speaking of vagg-ez, modern gynecology gets the finger from me. my big ole middle finger. those supposed protectors of your feminine health want little more than to half-assed listen to your concerns and scribble you up a script for some horrible antibiotic that will wage apocalypse on your "environment" when it's supposed to be helping you out. so sick of this band-aid approach to chronic, systemic issues. "what's that? whole health? never heard of it. you mean you're not getting better? try another round of pills." i've pretty much taken my feminine health into my own hands now, at least until i can find a gyn that isn't booked for the next 10 months and has more than 10 minutes to listen to me. and i'd certainly like to find someone with more willingness to blend modern diagnostics with traditional healing in the way of diet and such. i'm really trapped right now though considering that my current gyn is the one who diagnosed my fibroids and endometriosis and who even performed my surgery. trapped in the sense that we have a relationship in that surgeon/patient way and i'm scared the whole ordeal (and my dependence on her) is back again. i guess i'll see in september when i get a check-up ultrasound. in the meantime, this book has been incredibly informative and helpful:

i'm seeking out anything that encourages self-reliance these days and this book certainly helps. lots of info on probiotics, immune boosting foods and lots of push to take responsibility for your health.

my sister and i are firm believers in a rule of three. three bad things happen consecutively ALWAYS in our lives. so this last blow should round thing out for me. it's terrifying, a friend called it "unfair" actually and in about 20 days i'll be a little less cryptic about it all.