big deals:1987

character builders.........

secret favorite song of 2000

dry humping my pillow to death to this. The Cell (psuedo snow globe) meets door knockers. gimmie.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J8vGGWn2AmE

more of this

resurrecting the dead: finally paying attention to and maintaining my etsy shop. not so fast! took high rezzzzzz photos that etsy can't handle and i don't know how to make them budget rezzzzzz so i guess i have to shoot them over? anywho, ENAMORED with over sized wizard hoods. trying to make my own pattern so i can attach one to...everything. i wanna loose my face to the abyss.

i wanna kick my own ass for liking this DRUG RUG PONCHO. catch me at the next Pocahaunted show with my pencil mustached pencil dick boyfriend who's in a REAL CRAZY band that summons to mind any and all imagery you'd find on a carnival coke mirror. we're gonna have baby unicorns. and he's really encouraging of my new PRISMAL LABIA AND THE CRYSTALLINE PRICKS project.

maybe ponchos just rule?

happy happy birthday!

IN REVERSE ORDER.

freedom

(0:43)

"Affliction is the good man's shining scene; Prosperity conceals his brightest ray; As night to stars, woe lustre gives to man."

so here i am. and i'm here, burning like the sun, ready to acknowledge hurt and do something about it. hoping that "doing something about it" doesn't mean discounting pain as trivial (not REAL PROBLEMS). it's bad enough when others are uncomfortable with your emotions, even worse when you are.

happy birthday!

"there is no room for cheap regret"

the definitive line, "the time", the transition summed up so sharply.

crippling tears that give rise to clear heads, welcome.

now what to do?

"birth control is a helluva drug"

found this while researching possible side effects of this estrogen muzzle i'm on. more precisely trying to find out if feeling like an unattractive beach ball with appendages and moods as unpredictable as Chicago weather were common. turns out it's too common.

"titties on fire" is my fav. didn't go through that thankfully, nor did i notice any newly descended testicles.

Sept 2010-???

going here:



because of things like this:

BERLIN, Germany — The first of a pair of giant marionettes has awakened in Berlin and started the search for her missing partner as part of a massive-scale street performance celebrating German reunification.

The 7.5-meter (25-foot) wooden doll hanging from a crane and clad in a bright yellow rain slicker and hat launched her search Friday with the help of dozens of handlers and puppeteers.

doin' thangs

-one navy(ish) blue shirt
-some SICK stretch cotton lace
-couple pieces of gauzy black linen
-SWANS silk screen
-the idea that i can fully and then some reconstruct a tshirt












black banding of gauzy linen across the back so you can't catch my bra.

YOU, YOU, YOU

HI.

HELLO.

HEEEEEY.

there are two sides to a funnel, which side are you on?

i don't even like red that much.

From my office in Plotting.

there are things, people, attachments, however shallow or otherwise they run, and self-fulfilling ideas that convince people to cement themselves to their surroundings (what they know, what's telling them that this is all they need to know) at least ankle deep*%$. read: what's keeping me here is really no good reason to keep me here.



* a cyclical phenomenon in my life thus far.
% a product of lack of self-worth. (truthfully i think the concept of "self worth" is ego-fuckery and maybe not worth mentioning here. maybe the point is more a lack of gauging a good distance between oneself and people that float the notion of "self worth" into your brain in the first place)
$ a social disease, traditionally involving co-dependent slobs.

and wait.

Off the high-rise estates
What's at the back of your mind?
Your face I can see
And it's desperately kind
But what's at the back of your mind?
Two icy-cold hands conducting the way
It's the Eskimo blood in my veins
Amid concrete and clay
And general decay
Nature must still find a way
So ignore all the codes of the day
Let your juvenile impulses sway
This way and that way
This way, that way
God, how sex implores you
To let yourself lose yourself
Stretch out and wait
Stretch out and wait
Let your puny body, lie down, lie down
As we lie, you say
As we lie, you say
Stretch out and...
Stretch out and wait
Stretch out and wait
Let your puny body lie down, lie down
As we lie, you say :
Will the world end in the night time?
(I really don't know)
Or will the world end in the day time?
(I really don't know)
And is there any point ever having children?
Oh, I don't know
All I do know is we're Here and it's Now
So... stretch out and wait
Stretch out and wait
There is no debate, no debate, no debate
How can you consciously contemplate
When there's no debate, no debate?
Stretch out and wait

trips.

There is a great wall dividing the lands of Dreaming and Plotting.
I've been away recently to land of Plotting and it's really disappointing, lacking mystery and a set-up for feelings of failure and loss. The post cards are also much more beautiful in the land of Dreaming. Headed back there as I type.

5 things i like today.

1. natural light in my bathroom.
2. The Big Pink and the boob party that is their album art.
3. the opposite of festering, whatever that would be called.
4. Merz Apothacary/cheap red clay
5. the day isn't over yet

i enjoyed this so much that i hate myself for it today.

the bad dreams

"seems we both build up these fantasies of our desires in our heads and try to manifest them in other people all the while disregarding the true reality of the relationships we involve ourselves in."

-my best ex

oversaturated, overstimulated, words are hard today.

broad.cast.

13 years, still evolving and even more engaging. i won't have grandchildren so i can't tell them about this band when i'm old but whatever the equivalent of your grandchildren would be, they will hear about them over and over and over and over...














and one measley, bad picture of All the Saints, opening for A Place to Bury Strangers. (ATS>APTBS in this round, more on that, probably at the year end wrap up b/c the APTBS record has been played to and from work every day for the past 2 weeks meaning i like it a whole lot).

crunch time

lovely morning spent in the trenches:



ready to be put together:



bouquet of sorts:



trying to put together so many projects before the holiday season fully hits. and let's see how consignment will work? stay tuned.

***photos of finished products soon***

cosmic clipboard: October

GAVE ME SOME THINGS TO THINK ABOUT; NOTHING MORE, NOTHING LESS:

The average middle class person alive today has more goodies than the kings and queens of times past. In fact, even during this time of economic retrenchment, most of us have a higher standard of living than 99 percent of all the humans who've ever walked the planet. In pointing this out, I don't mean to discount the suffering of those who've lost their jobs and homes. But I think it's helpful to keep our collective deprivations in perspective. Similarly, I like to remember that no matter how much our personal trials may test us, they are more bearable than, say, the tribulations of the generation that lived through the Great Depression and World War II. Keep this in mind, Sagittarius. As you wander in the limbo between the end of one chapter of your life story and the beginning of the next chapter, it'll really help to stay conscious of how blessed you are. Halloween costume suggestion: a saint tending to the needs of the dispossessed and underprivileged.

"Jazz music is an intensified feeling of nonchalance,” said playwright Francoise Sagan. Keep that in mind during the coming week, Sagittarius. Whether or not you actually play or listen to jazz, do whatever's necessary to cultivate intensified feelings of nonchalance. It's extremely urgent for you to be blithe and casual. You desperately need to practice non-attachment as you develop your ability to not care so much about things you can't control. You've got to be ferociously disciplined as you transcend the worries and irritations that won't really matter much in the big scheme of things.

In 1968, Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn finished his book The Gulag Archipelago, a scorching indictment of the oppression that he and his countrymen suffered under the totalitarian regime of the Soviet Union. Banned for years, it was never formally published in his home country until 1989. Even after that, the new Russian government tried to control the teaching of history by suppressing texts like Solzhenitsyn's. This year, all that changed. The Gulag Archipelago became required reading in Russian high schools. At last, the truth is officially available. (Maybe one day the equivalent will happen in the U.S., with alternate histories by Howard Zinn and Noam Chomsky and James Loewen finding their way into the curriculum.) I celebrate this breakthrough as a symbol of the events that are about to unfold in your personal life: the long-lost truth finally revealed

The coming week will have something to offend and agitate everyone -- except you. Whines and moans and yelps will ring out across the land, even as you're emanating poise and aplomb. You may be tempted to brazenly exploit everyone's vulnerability and seize control of your corner of the world, but I think that would be shortsighted of you. A better strategy for capitalizing on your advantage would be to dole out large doses of mercy, making sure that the people who will be important to your future don't lose their way.

he shoulda/woulda killed me

october 5, 2006

given Kozelek's "no cameras please" stance i don't know how in the hell he didn't kick me in the face. my face that was planted in my fists, held up from the elbows, elbows rested upon the stage, right there in front of him. had a recent conversation about his distaste for documentation of his shows and remembered i had all of these. what REALLY set him off was a pair of slinky black underwear that were launched at him mid-set from a feral young lady fan. he had to stop, too shaken up, because he thought a bat was flying at him. as a result, did not want to board the bone train with that lady AT ALL.