pretty sure my computer has let out the death rattle but i'll let a skilled technician (my sister's co-worker's thrash relic husband and his couch workshop) take a look before i give a eulogy. so as it stands i've got 2000 plus photos and thoughts from my trip to europe in a holding pattern that feels like it's taken on some kind of physical weight and is "holding" in my chest. i think my friends would understand, that bowl of vegan goulash soup that i ate in Budapest was really emotional and needs an entry on it's own, so you can image the burden felt from seeing/feeling things like, ummuhh, Holocaust memorials, churches decorated with the bones of 40,000 people, the faces of home made friends far from home, and the fog blanketed German countryside by train car with the sun waking up (as i refuse to sleep). my heartstrings are fixin' to snap from this weight is what i'm saying. and it just keeps getting better, strangely as i battle one of the darkest times i've ever known. but i guess it's easier to recover from a period of numbness when you're surrounded by so much greatness, though i know this is all on me (que "Love Will Save You"* from SWANS please). i feel ambition and curiousity coming back and manifesting themselves through things like the desire for contact/voices, being at ease with vulnerability and a case of adult-onset teenage lust. so many beautiful things to brush up against. i just with i had the pictures to go along with them!
*
Love will save you when the ocean splits itself in two
Love will save you when the cold wind blows right through you
Love will save you when the poison eats the precious air
And love will save you from the snake that crawls around down there
But it won't save me
Love will save you from the evil and the greed of ignorant men
And love will save you from the guilt you feel when you betray your only friend
Love will save you from yourself when you lose control
And love will save you from all the lies your lover told you
But it won't save me
Love will save you from the truth when you think you're free
Love will save you from the cold light of boring reality
Love will save you from the corruption of your lazy-minded soul
And love will save you from your selfish and distorted goalsBut it won't save me
Love will save you from the black night and the lightning and the ghost
Love will save you from your misery, then tie you to the bloody post
Love will save you from the hands that pull you down beneath the sea
Love may save all you people, but it will never, never save me
No it won't save me
